Facing the past
by tvfan69
Summary: The only thing harder than facing someone who blames you for their pain is facing someone who doesn't. Jinx knew it was her fault but the person hurt didn't see it that way, can she bring herself to face them after nine long years? Or does pain only get worse with time? *One shot*


I stared up at her in shock.

Shock was all she could feel.

I was only six and still lacked control over my powers so when I grabbed the hand of my nineteen year old sister I hadn't meant to hurt her.

She was watching me for the day, dad was at work and my inability to control my powers was driving mom crazy so my sister Lilly took me to the park in order to give our mom a break. I held her hand as we walked through the park and she stopped once we neared the playground, she glanced down at me as if to signal me to go play but I only hid behind her legs.

"Kid what's wrong?" She asked me, she always called me kid or kiddo or sweetie. Always something other than my name, she would never say my name. I knew why, it was because our parents thought I was a jinx and so that's what they named me and Lilly couldn't stand that our parents had been so cruel as to label me as bad luck.

"Mommy says I shouldn't play with other kids" I said afraid. I could see the frown form on my sister's face, the disappointment and anger in her eyes. She hated the way our parents treated me, the way the feared me.

Releasing my hand she bent down to my height so she could look me in the eyes

"Mommy doesn't know what she's talking about" she said to me as I avoided her gaze

"But my powers" I whimpered causing her roll her eyes

"Your powers don't control you, you control them and sweetheart if you don't want to use them then you don't have to" she assured me as I finally met her gaze

"I don't know what if I can't control them?" I asked but she only smiled sweetly

"You can" she said to me so after hesitating for another few seconds I slowly and nervously walked over to the playground.

I stopped halfway and looked back only to see Lilly giving me an encouraging smile and motioning with her hand for me to continue so I went.

I was afraid at first but I kept in mind what Lilly had said, my powers do not control me I control them. For someone who doesn't have any powers I sometimes questioned how she could know so much about them but I guess it's just something that she understands. So I started swinging by myself and after a little while a boy a little younger than me came over

"You have weird hair" he said obviously referring to the fact that my hair is pink. I stopped swinging and hopped off awkwardly as I clutched the end of my braid.

"I wish my hair was a weird color" he continued before I could leave, he actually liked it.

Before I knew it I was running all over the playground with the boy who said he was four and that his name was Jimmy. We ran around playing hide and seek then cops and robbers and then finally we played in the sandbox. But after that Jimmy had to go home so I played alone again for a few minutes before Lilly came over and said that we had to leave.

"So it looked like you had fun" she said in her 'I told you so' voice as I began to tell her about everything Jimmy and me did.

"And nothing happened with my powers!" I boasted proudly causing my sister to laugh

"Told you" she teased as I slipped my small hand into her bigger one, which turned out to be a big mistake.

The instant my fingers curled around to the edge of her palm she shouted in pain. It wasn't a high pitched shriek of fright but a low scream of intense pain. Her knees bent but she remained standing as she tried to shake out of my grip but I was so afraid that I held her hand tighter, probably worsening the pain. Desperate to let go of me she furiously shook her wrist but desperate to hold onto her I only held tighter. After what felt like forever I realized what was happening, I had lost control again. My pink lightning like powers were surging from my hand and electrocuting my sister. The second I realized that I was in fact doing this to her I let go and stopped emitting the pink lightning only to hear Lilly gasp for breath.

"Sorry Lilly" I apologized fearfully watching her hit her knees

"It's ok kiddo… its ok" she said trying to catch her breath but that was when her eyes closed and she collapsed completely.

"Lilly!" I shriek bending over her fallen form, vigorously shaking one of her arms.

"Lilly!" I cried thinking that she was dead, that I had killed her. As I cried I kept apologizing as well as begging her to get up.

"Lilly come on! Mommy and da-daddy don-don't love me! They- they wanted to-to get rid of me! Lilly I need-need you! Pl-plea-please get-get uuuuup!" I wailed and yes this is all happening in the middle of the park but as far as I was concerned I had just accidently killed the one person on earth who actually loves me. What I said about my parents is true, they wanted to give me up when they found out I had powers but Lilly knew how unlikely it was for a super-powered child to get adopted and begged our parents to keep me.

Soon a woman who had been jogging hurried over to us; she must have heard me crying. I can only imagine what the scene must have looked like to her. A six year old bent crying over an unconscious and probably dead nineteen year old. I looked up at the woman with tears flowing down my face

"Please help" I cried so she told me to wait there and that she would be back. So I watched as she sprinted to the edge of the parked and then across the street and into a store.

* * *

The woman used the store's phone to call an ambulance and soon I found myself sitting anxiously in the waiting room of the hospital playing with my thumbs. The woman came with us to the hospital and the nurse called my mom, the woman waited with me until she got there.

"What happened to your sister?" She asked me but I wouldn't speak, I just sat there kicking my feet and twiddling my thumbs around each other in circles.

"Can you tell me your name?" She asked

"Jinx" I muttered quietly, I think the woman was surprised to have gotten anything out of me.

"That's an interesting name" she said probably trying to figure out what kind of sick people name their daughter Jinx.

"I'm bad luck" I confessed only for her to look at me

"Now who told you that?" She asked in surprise but I only shrugged

"I have bad powers. That's what happened to Lilly, my bad luck" I sniffled only for the woman to look at me and that's when my mom got there.

It was after a long time, my mom tried telling me that it wasn't my fault but I didn't believe her. Anyway a doctor finally came to talk to us

"Your daughter is awake the electrocution she suffered was only strong enough to knock her out but we'd like to keep her overnight just to be safe" he said to mom who breathed a heavy sigh of relief before asking the doctor if we could see Lilly, he nodded.

Reluctantly I fallowed but I refused to take my mom's hand, I don't think she could blame me. I was filled with nothing but an overwhelming sense of dread. Yes Lilly's survival came as a huge relief to me but now I found myself faced with the reality of facing her. I didn't want to see her, I was too afraid but I went anyways.

We entered the hospital room to see Lilly sitting up in a bed doing nothing but staring at her lap and then the door when we entered, my eyes fell on the IV tube running into her arm.

A wide smiled spread across her face when she saw us

"How are you feeling?" Mom asked her forcing Lilly to take her loving, forgiving and somewhat laughing eyes off me for a moment.

"I'm fine mom" she answered turning her attention back to me as I hide behind mom's legs

"I see you back there" she joked but I wouldn't even peek out and I heard her amused giggle

"Come on kid you didn't hurt me" she tried to tell me but I knew I had, after all because of me she's in a hospital.

"Kid come on" Lilly pleaded with an annoyed yet still amused groan

"Jinx" she said trying to get me to talk or at least look at her. Like I said Lilly almost never called me by my name so when she did I knew that she wasn't going to let the issue go.

"Can I at least have hug?" She asked me, a hug? Was she kidding? I put her in the hospital just by touching her and now she wanted me to put my arms around her?

In that moment I decided it, I decided that I couldn't live with myself if I hurt her again. She looked at me with gentle and forgiving eyes, to her everything was alright and she was just waiting for me to come around. But I couldn't.

I bolted from the room and sprinted down the hallway as fast as I could

"Jinx!" I heard someone call behind me, a mixture of two voices, my mother's and my sister's. But I ran from that hospital and I never ever went back.

* * *

All of that was nine years ago. After I ran away I ended up on the streets of Jump City, miles away from home. Eventually I found myself as a student of the HIVE where I mastered my powers but then Kid Flash came along.

He stopped us during a museum heist but not before See-More could question me on stealing a necklace that's supposed to bring good luck. Does he seriously think I asked to be bad luck? I thought a good luck necklace might at least even me out to be normal. It doesn't matter now; Kid Flash showed me that just because my parents thought I was bad luck, just because my powers are focused by bad luck, doesn't mean I can't be good. So I joined him as and ended up as an honorary Teen Titan, which still surprises me sometimes. But once I went good my thoughts immediately went back to my sister not that they hadn't gone there more than once over the years. After defeating the brotherhood of evil everyone met back at Titan's Tower for a party and eventually I found my way up to the roof. It was so peaceful out there, a little chilly but peacefully none the less. I stood there close to the edge looking over the view of the city.

"You were right Lilly, I'm not a jinx" I said wishing so desperately that she was here because for the first time in my life I know that she would be proud of me.

A couple of minutes passed but no more than ten before Kid Flash finally found me, my peace and quiet was officially over.

"What's wrong, parties not your thing?" He asked with that smug attitude of his as I turned to see him, a smile on my face.

"It's been quite the day" I responded and he chuckled

"Alright I'll give you that one" he said coming a little closer

"Seriously though is something on your mind?" He asked me ready to listen to anything I had to say, that's one of the things I love about him.

I wrapped my arms around myself both because I was cold and because I was anxious

"It's just a long time ago I hurt somebody and then instead of facing them I ran away" I admitted turning back to look out over the city

"Is that why you joined the HIVE?" He asked me when I wouldn't meet his gaze

"Part of it" I answered solemnly "But it's also part of the reason I went good. You see it was my sister and she tried to stop me before I ever became evil and when you came along it reminded how good it feels to have someone believe you good when everyone around you says you're not" I explained to him, my voice softer than I had ever heard it.

Finally I turned to look him in the eyes "I don't know I guess I just wish I knew where to find her" I finally admitted looking down. Kid Flash was silent for a minute and so was I

"You know what I think?" He asked before taking my hand in his, with my mind already on my sister I couldn't help but think of that terrible day in the park but it didn't matter and I just gripped my boyfriend's hand.

"Enjoy tonight and then tomorrow I'm sure Cyborg can help you find your sister" he suggested to me and when I smiled in response we headed back inside.

* * *

So that's where I am now. Cyborg was able to help me and now it's two o'clock on a Saturday afternoon and I'm back in the town I ran from so many years ago, about ten miles out of Jump City. It's cold and I shiver as I walk down the almost empty sidewalk, save for a person crazy enough to jog in the cold here and there. I glance at the paper with my sister's address written on it for maybe the twelfth time today before shoving it back in my pocket. Kid Flash had offered to come with me but I told him no, this is something I have to do alone. Finally I reached the apartment building and made my way up the stairs to third floor, yes I could've taken the elevator but I wanted to put this off for as long as possible. My stomach became more knotted with every step, what am I thinking? Sure she forgave me for nearly killing her but could she have forgiven me for running away? What is she going to say when she sees me? My heart told me that she would be happy but my brain feared the worst and that sadly was the part of me I was listening to. But finally I found myself standing in front of apartment 3K, Lilly's apartment. For a moment I felt like I may faint and then I felt like running but I shook both feelings away just long enough to gather the courage to do one of the scariest things I have ever done.

_Knock, knock_

"One second" a voice called from inside, Lilly's voice.

I have to admit that I was silently praying that she wasn't home but she was and a few seconds later she opened the door.

The instant she saw me a look of surprise over took her face. I noticed her dirty blond hair was pulled back into a neat pony tail, not messily hanging in her face the way it used to. But aside from that she looked pretty much the same and as for me well the pink hair can be a dead giveaway.

"Um hi Lilly" I said softly and a bit awkwardly

"Jinx?" She asked in a whispered voice so I nodded and then before I knew it she had me wrapped in a hug.

Suddenly I just let it all go, all the pain and regret of the past nine years I set free in the form of tears cried into my big sister's shoulder. I held tight to her as she did the same and after a minute which felt like an eternity ended too soon she pulled away from me and brought me inside.

I told Lilly everything that had happened to me, including multiple arrests which she was not all that happy to hear about but when I told I had helped save the world from the brotherhood of evil she forgave most of the criminal acts.

"I am so sorry for electrocuting you" I said again but she only laughed

"Don't worry about it I've electrocuted myself enough times since then" she joked causing me to laugh

"Well I'm glad you're safe because guess what, when you ran off I ripped that needle clean out of my arm and tried to chase you. Unfortunately the doctors wouldn't let me" she admitted and I couldn't help but laugh trying to picture my teenaged sister running through a hospital until she was grabbed by a doctor.

We spent the rest of the day catching up, I found out that she's engaged and she sarcastically thanked me for coming back when she was trying to plan her wedding saying that now she has to change a lot in order for me to be one of her bride's mates. I told her about the titans and of course about Kid Flash and being the over protective sister she always was she asked me enough questions on him, in the end she told me that she would want to meet him. When I finally left her apartment after a few hours she made me promise her one thing, that I would never to run away again.


End file.
